UGHHHHHHHHHH! I can't stand this subject.
Yeah ugh!! As you all know I am in my thirties. With that being said, I was once was a young woman.. In my twenties.. I did all of that "sex" and mistaking sex the whole time for love, or that would make a man love me. Ugh not. I don't regret my past.. but when I turned 30 a light bulb went off. I'm like you know what self? I am better than that. Just because a man says all the right words, sends flowers, or takes you to dinner doesn't mean he gets a first class ticket to the best of me. I thought I had been cautious before. But now I am even more weary.. Jesus helped me examine sex more closely..
I believe it is two spirits combining. Think about it, its the closest someone can get to you physically. Someone actually enters your body. I date here and there, and I make it known that I am not about the sex. That doesn't mean I don't want to. I call myself a Christian, but let me be the first to say I may have sex before marriage. I don't want to, and I keep myself outta of situations that would even lead to anything beyond a kiss. Hey I am in thirties, and I know I am in my prime... but I need to be valued first.. can you know me first? Do you even know my last name? Where I am from? That I love Jesus first? Do you know that I am broken when it comes to men? Do you even care? And the list goes on.
Everyday someone tells me the reason that I am single, is because I am not willing to have sex right off the back or anytime soon.. Really? That's a damn shame. I look like the odd one out. I am the girl with no date at the Christmas party, I am the single woman at WalMart shopping, I am the girl on a Friday or Saturday night playing online poker or BurgerShop at home, I am the girl who is ill and going to the hospital alone... all because I won't have sex??? Ridiculous. Yeah its frustrating, at times embarrassing.. at times lonely. But I believe, that there is still a man for me that will value me and what I am about. I know my worth, and its been said that everyone has their "price". Yeah I have a price, its called my worth. And before anyone sends a nasty comment, about all of this... please remember I have been there.. done that..I am speaking for me. I feel so sexy right now in my life. I am ready to go there.. but only on my terms. Sex has left me feeling disrespected, low, unworthy, shame, empty, mad, angry, and all of that nonsense, because I chose to believe, when the person didn't believe in me at all, and never really took the time to see me. I am not knocking the next person by far about whether they have sex, with who, or what or how... for myself I have to take care of me. I have had some of the worse so called relationships, and I am over that. If I keep doing the same thing, and getting the same negative result, I must say,"God fix me, I am the problem". I mean really, there is some song out now talking about "better with the lights off". Lights off to me, means satan and his bullies are really up to no good. How about "better with lights on"? That's right I said it. Lights on!
God calls for me to shine my light. Not to turn it down just a little, dim it, just a get a night light, put a flash on it. No way! If a man comes near me with the even the tiniest intentions of sex, please believe I will be like one of those security, flood lights, used to shine on people when you walk up to someones house or property at night. You know what I am talking about? As soon as you step on the property, that big light starts shining, and starts beaming on you like you stole something. (I am laughing now) (some people are okay with just a porch light) But I am that house. As soon as you step on to my property, I am going to shine my blinding beaming light, and for those who come to do harm, will run. Those who know me will stay.
(I suggest reading all of Samuel 13 to get a the whole picture)
Samuel 13:14,15 But Amnon wouldn't listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her. Then suddenly Amnon's love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. "Get out of here!" he snarled at her.
Love vs Lust
Love does not demand its own way, lust does.
Love is patient, lust requires immediate satisfaction.
Until next time. God bless.
Even though I'm only fourteen, and i think this subject is gross and uncompfortable, i gotta say this really helped me. I've alreayd know not to have "realtions" until marriage, but this has brought to another level. This has been very helpful!! Thank you.
ReplyDelete