Even though I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, I choose to praise you anyway. After all, this life is not about me. I am weary today… please Jesus carry me… I need you to survive… I’m human… I still have flesh, and flesh is tired…prayers are thin… hold on to me… I still believe in your faithfulness. I still believe in you. Speak to me and remind me who I am to you Lord…I pray that you will find me…I keep telling the mountains to move, and they just stay there. I pray on my knees until my knees are swollen…My tears feel like blood…I try until I am faint and dizzy…

Lord you are mighty to save… you already know what I am thinking, so I know this does not come as a surprise…Tired, restless, sad, disappointed, hurt, confused, and angry…but no matter what…even if the healing does not come…I will stay praising you and lifting your name on high. You are my prince of peace, divine healer, and saving grace… you are the way… I will lift my eyes to you…and let the cry of my spirit talk to you...I will be still so I can hear you...

Better is one day in your courts…Better is one day in your house, than a thousand elsewhere!

Ramen Noodle Emotional Breakdown

Good day my good people!

I hope all is well.

I don’t know any other way to say what I am about to write. The last 5 months have been atrocious. I lost my job. I moved. I was diagnosed with Lupus. One of my children has the left the home. My children’s father is back. In college, and almost out of mind! Friends are not being friends, people lying, hearts are getting broken. Just a nightmare!

The devil tried it. He tried it. He tried it. No, matter what- he has been more than a nuisance. I have been getting beat up physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and spiritually. It seems like no matter what I do, or how hard I pray he is intent on giving me an extra hard time! I am all in front of the cross, knowing dang well I should be behind it. I told yall I was going to keep it real from the jump. With that being said, I got so mad and so angry that I mentally envisioned telling Jesus, “Sorry, but I am going to have to cuss some people out, and tell them about themselves.” “They are going to learn today.” (In my Kevin Hart voice) And then I had the nerve to push him mentally out the way while I acted a damn fool. What made it worse was that I no longer had a vision, but I was acting upon my fury.

 What was so puzzling about my less than graceful acts was that I thought Old Crystal was dead. I thought that throughout the years since I have been saved, and working on my walk with God that I had controlled the very thing that has always gotten me in trouble. My TEMPER! My temper reminds me of when I would cook Ramen Noodles as a teen. Apparently, I had my temper on simmer the whole time, and when Satan pushed the stove eye to HI, I boiled over. You know how when you put your Ramen Noodles on HI so they will cook faster, and you start trying to multitask while you’re waiting for the noodles to boil, and then when you hear a sizzling sound and turn to the stove you see that the water is boiling and bubbling out everywhere. You’re in a frantic state. You know where all you can do is lower the temp, but it is still boiling, and then you start blowing on the water so hard that you look like a blowfish in training. LOL.

 I call this the Ramen Noodle Emotional Breakdown. I was HOT! I was all the WAY TURNED UP! As Drake would say, “I Was on One.” Come to think of it, I was on ONE, TWO, THREE, NINETY-NINE…Please do not act like I am the first one to go through a “Ramen Noodle Emotional Breakdown.” I don’t care how Christian, how nice you are, or any of that stuff… EVERYONE HAS A BREAKING POINT.  

I will share what I learned from my experience in the next couple of days.

Give yourself a pat on the back, because you rock. God is still in control.

Amen!

Crystal

Tips for Random Acts of Kindness

 

Sign up to serve food at a homeless shelter.

*****

Hold the door open for the person who is the farthest away from it.

*****

Make your neighbor a cake!

*****

Instead of being, quick to complain about bad service at a business;

when you are treated well let the manager know just how much you appreciate them.

*****

If someone tells you they like something you have- give it to them.

*****

 If you notice, traffic is down to one lane,

 and several cars need to get over to your lane…

don’t let one car in, but let two in.

 (Of course, make sure it is safe to do it)

*****

Say good morning to everyone you encounter today.

*****

If you shovel the snow of off your own sidewalk,

shovel the snow of your neighbor’s sidewalk too.

*****

Keep thank you notes on hand-

For example, if you receive great service at a restaurant

attach a thank you note to the tip.

*****

Don’t run over any animals.

(They have a heartbeat too)

*****

Make kindness a purpose!

http://purposegranted.blogspot.com/

Praise Him Anyway!

Good evening blessed people!

 

(Patricia Roby (my beloved mother) took this picture.)

It is the light beaming off of our bird feeder.

I do not own the rights to the picture.

This week has been quite challenging. Do you ever have the feeling that no matter what you do, nothing seems to make things right??? I know I have been all over the map this week. Some money that I thought was coming- did not come. Every relationship from family to friends to work got challenging. Through it, all I was determined to praise God. I even came to tears, but God kept telling me don’t fall for it. Everything is a perception, and do not let the circumstances be the interpretation that determines the outcome! Basically, forget about how it looks right now, and keep my focused on the bigger picture. (I love Jesus) Now I was able to see his purpose a little more clearer…

At one point I was at my desk praying for peace, and I all of sudden while I was in the midst of another storm in my life, a true calm and peace rose upon me. The peace that surpasses all understanding- sheltered me and embraced me. I felt the immediate weight of the world lift off my shoulders. Amen! I am determined to praise God even when my bills are not paid on time. I am determined to praise God when I am broken. I am determined to praise God when I cannot see! I am determined to praise God because it is all about God, and not me. I am determined to praise God when people try to steal my joy! I am determined to praise God when I lose the fight! I am determined to praise God whether the gas tank is on “E” or on “F”! I am determined to praise God when relationships fall apart! I am determined to praise God when I do not feel so good! I am determined to praise God whether someone likes me or not! I am determined to praise God whether anyone says another word to me! I am determined whether someone "unfriended" me or "friended" on my facebook! My determination to praise God is not whether he does or does not do anything for me, BUT FOR WHAT HE DID WHEN HE gave his one and only son...

Keep your head up and be determined!

With a very happy heart and love! I say I love you all! Peace be with you!

Crystal

Part 2/Am I am who He says I am?

“The only time you should look down on a man, is when you are helping him up.”

 

Jesse Jackson

 

As I promised, I would finish telling you how the last post ended. So the kid’s father called in late December, and said that he really missed his kids, and he wanted to see them. Over the phone, I could hear the pain in voice, so I said; I will purchase a plane ticket for you tomorrow. As those words flew out of my mouth I was a little shocked… I bought the plane ticket. Him and I have no plans whatsoever of getting back together. The kids and I have been doing just fine without him… so why I purchased the plane ticket remained a mystery… A couple of weeks later the kids and I were at the airport awaiting for his arrival. As soon as he starts making his way out of the gate, the kids ran to him, and they started crying. I stayed in my seat, as I thought this moment was about them, and not me. As I sat there and watched what used to be my family (that went away 11 years ago) was now here but, broken. As they walked towards me, somehow, we all were hugging, and I was crying… but why was I crying??? Perhaps, because I saw that he was much more broken than I had imagined. His shoes were coming apart, his face looked pained, and the years had really taken a toll on him. I understood now that this visit was not for me and the kids… but for their father…

“The only time you should look down on a man, is when you are helping him up.”

Jesse Jackson

 Once he settled in… he apologized, and apologized, and apologized, and apologized for not being there for us. He was so very thankful, and he kept thanking me, and thanking me, and thanking me… I kept telling him… you have already been forgiven… A few days in, after I got off work, I handed him a document that I typed while I was at work… I had already faxed this special document off to the child support office, but I wanted him to have the original special document. I put both of our names on it, and our children’s information on it… Through only God’s mercy and grace did I hand over that special document stating that I forgave the child support debt of 73,000, and some change that he owed me.

It is not that I wasn’t owed something for raising our kids- and it wasn’t because he was all of sudden being nice to me- God had been talking with me for years about this heavy debt that was piling up on him. Sometimes… Many times we all need a second chance, perhaps a third chance, perhaps a fourth chance… Sometimes we all have needed a clean slate no matter how small or large the offense is. God has forgiven me for so much. God forgives me on a daily basis. I have caused a lot of harm to people in my pass, and since I have been walking with The Lord, my life is very peaceful. (I am still a sinner, but I do the best I can) I have witnessed God give me one clean slate after the other. There is no use in me trying to keep score on who did what. What is the purpose of holding onto anything that no longer serves its original purpose? So I can hold it over their head, and remain a willing participant to Satan and his lies? No. No. I am free. I am free indeed. I come in peace, and I will leave in peace. I have nothing to gain…so all I can offer is my love… the love of Jesus!

Have you ever needed to be forgiven?

Crystal

 

I'm back!!!

Hello everyone!

Yes, I know it has been awhile since I have blogged. My oh my, how the time just flies by. I had stopped blogging for fears of what people thought, and my skills as a writer, and the devil just trying to pin me into a corner.

I just got back on tonight, and when I saw how many people have actually read my page, I was very shocked, because people were actually interested in what I have to say. So with a happy heart and with God’s forever blessing, I say let us move forward.

Moving forward is the only way to go in order to be free. Tonight I will talk about my children’s father. When he decided that he wanted to be free in 2001, (before I knew Christ) I was like okay, but he is always going to have to pay child support for raising our children. The first year, I was full of being a baby mama’s drama. I was ruthless, and could care less about what he thought. I was angry, because it was hard to believe that someone could show so little disregard for our family. I would call and harass him about money, and I was just being less than classy. I remember my mother and grandmother telling me in that first turbulent year that no matter how angry or upset that I am about the situation, that there is no need to harass or even bring up money with him. My words and anger would never get “blood from a turnip.” My hate would never produce positive results. Therefore, with that, I let it go.

 I kept the child support order, but from that day on made a vow to never call or ask for any assistance with our children. No help with birthdays on a consistent basis, and I could forget Christmas, schools supplies, braces, sports, of any kind because  I could  never rely on it, because it never came. Their father knew that no matter if he paid or did not pay that the door was left wide open for him to be involved in their lives. I know many single parents who will not let the other parent see the kids just because they don’t pay child support or do not visit their children often or not at all. In reality there is no amount you could pay a parent to be a parent. Yes, I would receive child support, but it was never the correct amount that was ordered, and I never depended on it. For last few years, I have prayed to my heavenly father that he would spark something in their father’s heart to be involved in their life. Sometimes people assume that they could never recover from something that they believe is lost. That is simply not true. I believe you cannot make up for lost time… but there no better than the time we have right now! If we have to start somewhere…why not now?

So God came up with some ideas… and for over a little over a year their father has started to walk through a door he believed was closed for so long… Praise God…. but God got real crafty and showed up and showed out. I mean God showed up and did a “shock and awe” on everyone’s life last month… No one could have written the brilliant idea God orchestrated… I will tell you what I witnessed to you tomorrow… you do not want to miss it… I promise…

With a happy and so loving heart. I say a big pat on the back to you for doing such a great job, and being who you are. You all were made by the beautiful hand of God! I am smiling, because I am glad to be back to uplift you through my trials. Praise God!

Crystal Jones- Purpose has been granted!

It's not too late Dad.

Good evening my good people!!

So, my father has never taken an interest in my life. He lives 10 minutes away, but it feels like he is non existent. I have never stayed a night with my Dad. I don't believe we have ever eaten together.. No child support to help my mother. His birthday is in December, so I use that as an opportunity to send him a birthday card, and make the only phone call I will make to him all year, and invite him over for Christmas. He always says no. But I still put a present under the tree in case he does come. (Wouldn't want him to be without a gift) Every year he is a no show, and every year his gift is the last one under the tree... Believe it or not it doesn't hurt anymore.. God calls for me to serve, regardless if the other person reciprocates back to me or not. I have long forgiven my dad. I think he thinks its too late to have a relationship with me.. or he could simply just wish I would leave him alone...

So today, I took a leap out on faith and called him. I invited him for a dinner to Red Lobster (i hear he likes seafood) and told him that I want to celebrate him. Yes, I want to celebrate the fact that he is a father.. not the father I would have chosen.. but he is the father that God gave me.. and even though he does not love me.. I want to be able to please God, and show that I can love someone that doesn't love me... Anywoo.. he warmly said he would get back with me.. and usually he is very cold and direct.. I will pray that he comes with me.. no matter what he has a heartbeat to... I mean don't we all??

With a happy, and great love and favor of God, I say I miss you and keep up the great work! You are growing beyond belief.